


lucky

by chashmish (orphan_account)



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: HAHahhaham, M/M, weird disjointed stream of consciousness style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-28
Updated: 2013-04-28
Packaged: 2017-12-09 20:27:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/chashmish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Are you happy?<br/>You deserve to cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lucky

**Author's Note:**

> italics are hinata's thoughts and memories, plain text is what is happening right now

"Why do you hide?" Hinata asks- voice low, rough, shaking.

His hands fit perfectly around Komaeda's neck, as if they were crafted for this very purpose. The other boy smiles glassily back at him.

_Hinata wonders, idly, a thought slipping through the back door of his mind, how someone like him and someone like Nagito Komaeda could have possibly been brought together, thrown together._

_"Good luck," Komaeda says, reading his mind again._

_Hinata lifts his head, turns to the other boy, sees the tranquil smile on his face. "It's good luck," he repeats, his eyes never leaving the other boy's face-_

_"Hinata-kun."_

 Komaeda tries to breathe. Hinata marvels at the human body. When its owner gives up, it only becomes stronger.  (Sometimes your body becomes your own enemy.) 

And then Hinata sees that the look of vague content in Komaeda's eyes is quite possibly the scariest thing he's ever seen, and for the first time he realizes exactly what he is doing. In horror his hands fly from the other boy's neck as if they have been burned.

Hinata takes a ragged breath. Komaeda finds this funny. Hinata knows this as he watches Komaeda inhale, exhale, cough, _smile_. Komaeda coughs two or three more times before speaking. "I am here," he says, voice calm. "I am right in front of you."

_When two forces are meant to collide, they will. Komaeda's lips, Hinata's lips. Good luck, and..._

_Hope? Hinata wonders, (and he is kissing Komaeda for the first time, sloppily, furiously)._

_But Hinata knows that's not what it is._

_Disgusting, lunatic, crazy, what the hell is wrong with you, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why? Why did you-_

_I am-_

_A_ _ttracted. To you._

_Doomed._

_Why?_

_(Why not?)_

"No, you're not," Hinata says, his voice cracks, _god damn it_.   "You don't- why don't you cry?"

"Do you want me to? I will," the immediate answer, he looks too eager and Hinata meets pain again, it hits him in the chest.

"Fuck," Hinata swears. "Fuck, no, listen to me, _listen_. You don't have to hide, you don't have to-" Hinata's thoughts are a car crash.

"Do you want to believe that there's a better self inside me?" Komaeda says. A bitter smile frames his face. "I'm sorry. This is all I can give. It's nothing. It's worse than nothing! But if you want it, you can have it all!"

"That... is... a... lie," Hinata's gritted teeth- "are you- are you happy?" Komaeda is taken by surprise. His smile dims for a second, then returns in full form.

"If I can make you happy, what more do I-"

"Shut- Komaeda... don't." Hinata feels tears and blinks them away. "Are you happy? Tell me, just... tell me."

Komaeda blinks. "Me?" he says, and his voice is soft. "Do I deserve that? Do I deserve emotion? Do I deserve to feel anything at all?" He pauses, inhales. "Hope only has one expression, and that's the one I have on my face! If I may say s-"

"Empty," Hinata says.

"...Hm?"

"You're empty, so you don't cry," Hinata says again, his mind and his heart racing. "You... won't even let yourself feel sad."

"I don't _deserve_..."

"You deserve to feel sad, everyone deserves to feel things-" Sentences stumble out of Hinata's mouth; he has never been an eloquent speaker. Even now, when he needs them most, words fail him.

Hinata's hand is gripping Komaeda's arm, holding him against the wall. The white-haired boy looks stranded.

_Hinata looks at Komaeda and realizes the other boy is beautiful. This isn't the first time they have kissed, but every time before had been born from a mutual need, an ugly hunger, a certain urgency. (I chose you as my anchor. You, a wobbly anchor in a stormy and turbulent sea. I was never sure if you would save me or drown me. But I held on to you- at first because you needed me, and then because I needed you.)_

_He kisses Komaeda, for the first time not roughly. Simply and comfortably, without purpose, like an amiable silence. When Hinata pulls away, he thinks he sees tears in Komaeda's eyes. But when he blinks, they are gone, and Hinata is left wondering if they were really there at all._

Komaeda's hair has fallen into his eyes. Hinata lets go of Komaeda's arm and tucks it behind his ear. The other boy looks dumbfounded and very small.

"Hiding behind smiles," Hinata says, voice shaking despite his best efforts, "and behind hope-"

"Hope is a part of me, so I can't use it to hide," Komaeda says, cheerful again. Hinata wants to kiss his smile and slap his face.

 _"Your hope is false."_ Hinata doesn't say it, of course he doesn't. It would be a slap in the face, maybe more, to the other boy. No, it isn't time for that yet. Instead, he takes Komaeda in his arms. He holds his skinny frame and breathes as softly as possible, trying to make Komaeda feel something, trying to feel something himself.

"Don't hide with me. Don't do it because I'm asking you to. Do it because-"

(You needed me.)

Hinata feels Komaeda's tears soak into his shirt.

(I needed you.)

**Author's Note:**

> THIS is the first time ive written a fic in like??? i dont even know how long??? so im rusty as hell sorry sorry but i couldn't not komahina. i also forgot how ao3 worked so if there are any formatting issues. i apologize  
> i wanted to write about how. komaeda is smiling all the time and even though he is so broken inside you almost never see him with anything but a smile on his face and how hinata is very grieved by this  
> i hope you liked?? maybe???


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